


Navigating Through This

by MysticallyGallavich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Cannon until some point or another, Endgame, Fuckitall, Gallavich, Love, M/M, Navigating through this mess, Rediscovery fic, soothemyaching heart, they will be back together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 05:30:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15678984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticallyGallavich/pseuds/MysticallyGallavich
Summary: Ian navigates his way through his life in his current state and realizes how much he really gave up at that border.





	Navigating Through This

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. This really isn't new for me, I wrote over half of this chapter a long time ago...but here is the first chapter. I'm staying on my game, writing a lot more now. So i should have everything updated, and worked out soon. :P 
> 
> Thank you to my lovelies who spend their time listening to me ramble and so on and so forth. 
> 
> :P

Ian was lounging on the couch of his apartment,  having a boring, quiet night all to himself. He loved the chaos of his job, the chaos of his family, and the chaos of everyday life but on days like today he enjoyed just sitting in the silence of his own space and reveling in the silence. Even though that silence brought certain things to his mind. His life over the years had never been the same as the year before  it. He had  made his choices and he was okay for the most part, but sometimes, sometimes like in this moment he wondered how a certain dark haired blue eyed man was fairing on the beach. He tried not to spend too much time in the thoughts, he had left him, so the wonderment was something he had signed up for but he still wondered sometimes.  He was completely lost in his own thoughts of a man who he once made his whole world, a man who even now crossed his mind constantly. There are just some things that aren’t so easy to forget. Like the smile that twinkled across the mans face right before he would lean in for a kiss that hadn’t been so easy to have.   There were good and bad parts of that relationship but the beauty in it all was something that would never be lost on Ian. For as long as he lived no matter who he was with, or what was going on, he knew more now than ever that he would never not love Mickey or wish him well.

Suddenly he is jarred from his daydreaming by a loud bang on the door, followed by a million more and he is expecting it to be a family member  with some sort of crisis. He finally got up and groaned readying himself for whatever was behind that door. Of all of the scenereos he had depicted, there was one thing he didn’t expect to see. Trevor standing there, anger radiating from his body, which was covered in blood and brusises. He looked like he had gotten into a fight with someone, a think that didn’t phase Ian all that much, because…he was raised in the southside but he still tilted his head with slight concern.

“What happened to you?” Ian asked.

“What happened to me??? Are you fuckin’ kiddin me?  You happened to me…” Trevor stated glaring at Ian which just confused Ian.

“I happened…I haven’t seen you in like a week…Pretty sure I didn’t do that.” Ian says motioning his hand up and down as if to imply about Trevors injuries.

“oh yeah, you who has psycho Ex boyfriends, who attack me in the middle of the street. Seriously…Who the fuck did you date? That’s who you  love? What is fuckin’ wrong with you?” Trevor Screams in his face and Ian is taken aback. What the fuck is he going on about?

“OK ,what are  you talking about? The only ex I have that would give a shit…Is not in the fucking  country…I should know…I watched him leave it.” He said shaking his head.

“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t  know people. I just got attacked because and I quote… “This is a message…You don’t touch or fuck  with the red-head…he is fuckin’ spoken for. You sayin that has nothing to do with you?”  Ian stared and contemplated…but who…Mickey wasn’t here, he knew that much, he would fucking know…wouldn’t he?  He had so many questions, who was this person, did it mean something?

“What did he look like?” Is what shakily came out of Ian’s mouth.

“Seriously? I get attacked and you aren’t even concerned…you want to know if it was him…”

“You’re fine, I’ve had a lot worse…you wanna take a shower to wash the dried blood off, its all yours. I’m asking what the person who punched you look like.”

“You know what Ian Gallagher…Fuck You.  You have got to be fucking kidding me.” He yells out and Ian should feel bad and later maybe he would but right now his mind couldn’t  or wouldn’t focus, he needed to know. 

“Just take the fucking shower Trevor, then go home and sleep it off. Serioulsy…I get your pissed, whoever this was obviously didn’t want you coming here, and we both know the person you think is behind it, is somewhere on a beach, living life. So whoever it was, wasn’t my ex. So about you tell me what   you know about him, so I can talk to whoever this is, and they’ll leave you alone, and we can both move the fuck on.”

“Yeah... and that sounds easy...but it’s not. This isn’t some ex that came up to me and told me you were theres, this is some thug…Whoever the fuck he is, he is connected to that psychopath…” Ian feels the anger urging up in him at the implication and steps to Trevor grabbing his shirt.

“Don’t you EVER say that. You can be mad, you can be whatever, but you never ever call him that.” Ian growls letting his own emotions take over. He knew it wasn’t rational, he himself had spoken bad words about the man he used to call his own. No matter the bad parts of his relationship there were just some words that were not okay and this was one of them.

“Deal with your shit Ian and leave me out of it. Or I will find him myself and turn him in. Leave me the fuck alone.” Trevor says heading toward the door.

“With fuckin Pleasure.” Ian says angry. Sure he and Trevor hadn’t been close lately but to…It didn’t matter, he had to find out who went after him, and if they had in fact been in contact with the one person in the world that would have any reason to care who he had dated.

\--

Ian thought about it. Mickey wasn’t back so who could have ties to his old life with Mickey, someone who Mickey would trust enough. So that led him to the Milkovich house that was practically unheard of now. He stared at the yard that he had walked in many times, the walkway that he used to take up to the house before and during the time he had lived there. He took a deep breath before walking up the stairs to that door. The door that started it all. Knocking he held his breath. He didn’t know if anyone even lived there anymore, he had avoided this street, this house since…that day. Even after Mickey had come back he hadn’t went to the house. The door swung open to find Iggy who raised his eyebrow at him.

“Gallagher. What you doin around here?” He asked.

“Um..can I talk to you about something ig?” He asked and Iggy shrugged and stepped outside closing the door behind him.

“S’up?” He asked.

“So I wouldn’t come and ask if it wasn’t important, but something happened that implied that someone might…be in contact…with…Y’know.”

“Ah..come around to ask about your boyfriend ey?”

“he’s not…not anymore…Just…If you’ve heard from him…Is he like…Okay?” Ian stuttered, not realy kknowing what to say.

“Is he ok? The fuck are you talkin about…I didn’t kill the dude.” Iggy says with clear amusement all over his face and it dawns on Ian. He wasn’t talking about Mickey he was talking about Trevor.

“Wait…You…You hit Trevor? Why?” Ian asks but it is kinda poetic. Iggy just shrugs.

“Somebody’s gotta tell him not to fuck with things…that don’t belong to him.” Iggys says like it isn’t a big deal.

“Did someone tell you to do that…and why now…I’m not seeing him anymore.” Ian says raising an eyebrow. Ian hadn’t heard a word when he had dated anyone else, or when he and trevor started.

“Who said it’s about you?” Iggy asks with a twinkle in his eye.

“You told him to stay away from the red-head…and he showed up at my door, so he obviously thinks its about me.” Ian answers honestly.

“Big mouthed lil prick aint he. It’s cool…we’ll take care of that…” Iggy says determined.

“No, you wont. Now tell me why.” Ian says crossing his arms over his chest. And Iggy burst out laughing.

“Now now, if you gotta ask, you really don’t deserve to know…do ya?” and Ian looked at Iggy like he had grown another head.

“Where is he???” Ian asked suddenly.

“Calm down Red, he ain’t here. He just heard some things…was gonna come home…told him I’d take care of it and I did.”

“Heard some things?? I told him about trevor when I was with him…why now? Ive been back for months, I have…a lot has happened, and im not with trevor…so why now.”

“Look man, ask him. He knew you’d come…here.” He says taking a card out of his pocked that had a number written on it.  “You can call it once before he tosses it man. Use it wisely. Just remember one thing.” Iggy says pointing at Ian. And Ian looks at him for him to continue. “If you need him he will come back…just remember that shit is a risk…you made a choice…He will never not be there for you…don’t make him take that risk…Get your shit straight, and keep it that way.” Iggy speaks with no venom but determination. He is worried about his brother, it is apparent.

“Okay, thanks ig.” He says and Iggy nods.

“By the way assface. Don’t be a stranger.” Iggy says and walks back into the house..

\--

Ian paced the floor to his apartment. He knew someday he might beable to hear that voice but he wasn’t expecting it now, and why had Mickey been on the attack with trevor. Who had saw what that made him think he needed to deal with the situation? Sure he had been a little off a couple of months ago. When he came back from mexico he had invested his time and energy in getting trevor back, in proving that it was a…mishap to go off with his ex. Sure he had done some…more than questional things, but how would that get back to Mickey…He needed to know what it was he thought Trevor had done to warrant the beating…but more than that…He wanted to hear his voice. He was scared of that…To hear how much he really did hate Ian or leaving him like he had.

Finally, after what seemed like hours he picked up his phone and dialed the number and let it ring. It seemed like the ringing was never going to end, and he wondered if Mickey just didn’t want to talk to him now, but finally, the line picked up.

“Just a second.”  The voice spoke into the phone, it wasn’t Mickey, he looked at the number and compared it to the card that Iggy had handed him, it was the same. Maybe Iggy had written it down wrong. Maybe this was all for nothing.

“Hello?” The voice spoke and he knew it was him, his breath caught in his throat, Mickey spoke a few more times and Ian couldn’t think, let alone speak. This was his chance and he was fucking waisting it. “Speak or I’m hangin up.” Mickey said.

“H..Hi.” Ian spoke to stop him from hanging up the phone. He needed for him to stay on the line, if only for a minute.

“You called me man…you gonna talk…” The sound of Mickey’s voice even the annoyed version sent shivers down Ian’s spine.

“Sorry…Sorry. Yeah…Ig…gave me the number.” He says into the phone.

“I see…You call to defend someones honor?” Mickey asked curiously but with a hint of distain.

“No…Not exactly. Was just curious as to why? Ig said he did it to keep you from comin to do it, and I just wondered why you cared about some guy I used to see.” Ian answered honestly. Why did he care?

“Used to see? You sure about that fire-crotch?” Mickey asked in almost bored tone, like he really wasn’t into having this conversation.

“Yes. Used to see. As in don’t fuck any longer,As in only speak to when I go down to the youth shelter. You didntseem to care before…Now you want to kill someone to keep them away from me…Not that I;m nnot flattered and all, I just don’t get it. Thought you were done with my shit.”

“Never said I was done, you did. First. And second, don’t be flattered, it aint about who you fuck or don’t fuck.” Mickey said more annoyed now. And ian knew it was true but he still didn’t understand.

“No?” He asked  anyway.

“No. Look, ffuck who you want, but stop fucking with pansies who cant…take care of you.” He had halted at that ppart, and Ian knew he had expected Ian to go off about how he didn’t need someone taking care of him.

“What are you talking about?” Ian asked instead.

“You stayed why? Because this shit isn’t you anymore, and by that, I THOUGHT you meant you had your life together, that you were done with the running and the bullshit and getting yourself into messes but then…ooh, then I hear a bunch of shit that makes it sound like it wasn’t really the life you didn’t want anymore…Prostitution…crazy protests…You got yourself arrested dumbass.”

“You…you know what  that doesn’t matter, because last I checked I leared from the best on getting locked up, and it wasn’t like that and none of that had anything to do with…okay so maybe some of it did, but it wasn’t on him, it was on me.”

“and was his calling you crazy…on you too?” Mickey said that  last part with so much venom.

“Seriously…are you having me followed?” Ian asked and Mickey sighed.

“No…Checked up on is more llike. You don’t want my help fine and fuckin dandy. We don’t have to talk. But don’t tell me not to care. Even if you are a fuckwit, Still love your stupid ass. The fuckhead alright?” Mickey asks, but Ian knows he doesn’t really care all that much, he just wants to judge how mad Ian is about it.

“I love you too, ya know.” Ian says. “He’s fine, pissed off, threatening shit If you try again…shit you don’t need or want.”

“So you called because your worried about me being found…and not because your worried about your lover?” Mickey asks.

“I called because I miss you and wanted to hear your voice. And to say not to go after Trevor if its because of me, you don’t need my shit getting you into any trouble Mick…I love you.” He says  the last part just for measure because he does, he really fucking does.

“If you love me so mmuch, why are you there  and not here?” Mickey asks softly.

“Because I’m an idiot. Because it  hurts to love you, because this is what I was talking about. You risk everything for me, I risk everything for you. That shit is going to wind us both up in a grave someday.”

“If its at the same time I don’t really care much Ian. Just tell me, whatever you want to say because I cant, I have to ditch this number after this call.” Mickey says with honesty.

“OK. I love you, I miss you, you are an idiot for involving Iggy, I wish you were here,  I wish I was therebut you  can’t comeback here.  I will not let  you go to jail for me againokay? Not again. The only thing that gets me through not being with you, the only thing is that I know you are safe..  I couldn’t do this if you were back there Mick…I just couldn’t.” Ian says with the tears threatening to fall down his face.

“I love you too. Listen I’m not okay. Just stop letting dumbasses who know fuck all about what you need into yoru life. If you find someone and arehappy,  I will stay out of it, they fucking hurt what is not theirs to hurt and I will go back too prison and I will fuckin’ enjoy it aight? And don’t for a  second think this is done…It’s not. Those fuckers do not own you…You are mine. Got that Gallagher?”  He  asks.

“I know you do. My heart is with you in mexico Mickey. It is with you always. I love  you.” And then the line  goes  dead and Ian feels his heart ache at the loss of  contact between him and his once love. A love that will forever be his and his alone.

 

—

Ian thought about that phone calls the days that followed. He thought about his actions a few months ago before his adjustment. He thought about how trevor has reacted to them then and how Mickey had always reacted to him no matter what he did. Even now after he had left him he still found a way to let him know he was always there no matter what. And he wondered what he had ever thought when letting go of it all? What would it have been like if he had went to Mexico.

He spent days, close to a week just thinking of nothing but Mickey. It shouldn’t have overtaken him the way it did, he had afterall spent most of his life thinking of Mickey but after pushing it down in the past few years, it consumed him until he finally decided to get out of the house. Where he usually would have went down to the shelter, out of lack of anything better to do these days, instead he found himself back at the door of the Milkovich house. Iggy had afterall told him to not be a stranger.

“If your pansy boyfriend got beat up again, I didn’t do it.” Iggy says with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

“Nah, wanna hang out?” He asks shrugging. Iggy stares at him for a minute but nods and lets him in the door.

“You still smoke?” He asks and Ian nods lightly. Iggy lights up and passes it to Ian on the couch and turns on the xbox, they sit there and play for hours before Ian gets up and goes home.

This continues on for a few weeks. In the meantime, Ian finds a job working at some place that does banquets. To make his rent, and have a little cash.

“So, why don’t you like being home? Still with the hoard of Gallaghers?” Iggy asks one day.

“nah I have my own place, just cant get outta my own head.” Ian shrugs. Maybe iggy is getting tired of him always being around.

“You got internet and shit?”

“Yeah..why?”

“We could have a killer set up over there…and like dad is getting out next week.” Iggy says and Ian understands and nods.

“Yeah, I should steer clear of that…I’ll be back in jail or dead.” He laughs and so does Iggy.  “Im gonna head out…you can come by anytime. It’s been nice..you guys over here, except your piece of shit father was always kinda like being home.” He says and Iggy understands. He misses Mickey and being here is like having a piece of him, so he has to ask.  Gallagher’s hand is on the door before he finally speaks.

“You happy now?”  Ian just looks over at him curiously.  “Ya know since the jail is over, and head is on straight again. You happy and shit?” He asks and Ian just looks at him sadly.

“Is it really possible to be happy with half of your heart gone?” Ian says and then he’s gone.

**Author's Note:**

> ENDGAME...if you don't believe in the possibility of happiness you are destined for misery. 
> 
> MysticallyGallavich on tumblr. Come see me.


End file.
